Neuqua Valley HS Students Share Mental Health Struggles with U.S. Surgeon General—It won't resolve 'core issues'

Thank you to Neuqua Valley High School (Naperville, Il) students for their honesty and vulnerability in sharing their mental health struggles in a virtual call with the U.S. Surgeon General attended by U.S. Representative Lauren Underwood.

And while additional funds for more school counselors are absolutely needed, they will not resolve any of the pressures that Neuqua Valley high school students and many of their peers across the country are dealing with. U.S. Rep. Underwood remembers them well from her days at Neuqua Valley HS.  “[T]he 2004 Neuqua alumna said some of the core issues existed when she attended the school. ‘And here we are, all these years later, still talking about these challenges,’ she said.”

In fact, we have been talking about these challenges for almost two decades now. Not only do these ‘core issues’ still exist, students have repeatedly raised their voice about academic pressure and anxiety. In 2017 Naperville middle and high school students were surveyed about their causes of stress.  Students cited pressure to get good grades, excessive academic, athletic, extracurricular competition and peer pressure as stress factors.

Research confirms that students attending high-achieving schools puts them at-risk for developing mental health issues including anxiety or depression. The Adolescent Wellness Report (2018) published by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation identified four environmental factors that put adolescents’ well-being at risk: poverty, trauma, discrimination, and excessive pressure to achieve [emphasis added]. In its Vibrant and Healthy Kids Report (2019) the National Academies for Sciences, Engineering and Medicine added “youths at high achieving schools” to the list of at-risk groups along with children living in poverty and with incarcerated parents and recent immigrants. Dr. Suniya Luthar, emerita professor of psychology at Columbia’s Teachers College and the founder and executive director of AC Groups, is a prominent researcher in the field of adolescent resilience. She and her colleagues concluded in a 2020 paper in the American Psychologist that adolescents at high-achieving schools are at an elevated risk of developing “psychological disturbances from childhood and into adulthood, with risks for serious psychopathology, especially internalizing disorders such as anxiety or depression.”

A recent JAMA article describes the impact of  adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and their impact on our bodies: “ACEs lead to short- and long-term ill health through prolonged activation of the biological stress response and associated disruption of neurologic, endocrine, immune, metabolic, genetic, and genetic regulatory systems, a condition now known as the toxic stress response.”[emphasis added].

Our students are hurting. Time and time again, they have articulated their pain points. In 2017 a student petition called on administrators to “[s]tart defining success as any path that leads to a happy and healthy life. Start teaching us to make our own paths, and start guiding us along the way."  Upon reading the student petition, the Naperville Sun published an editorial using the call for change by Tessa Newman, a junior (Naperville North HS) at the time who wrote the petition on Change.org, as its headline: Listen more, talk less to understand student’s call for change. It highlights the student’s powerful invitation for high school administrators to “start understanding our [student] priorities and stop implementing yours.”

More funding for school counselors will not resolve the pressures that Neuqua Valley students and their peers across the country are experiencing unless we collectively investigate our concept of worth and bring forward the inherent value of human beings and their unique paths. The U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy put his finger on the issue when he shared this in his conversation with Neuqua students: “Whether young or old, people feel like they will never be valued as humans if they don’t have enough money or good grades, attend the right college or have a perfect resume.”

Or in other words:

We have conflated grades and test scores with human worth.

We have conflated academic tracks with human purpose.

We have conflated approval with love and belonging.

We’ve created one path to a narrowly defined idea of “success” which at best is not serving our children well, and at worst is harming them. Tessa Newman spoke for many students past and present when she asked that administrators "start treating us like people, not GPAs or test scores. Start letting us choose how we wish to be defined. Start helping us find our dreams, and give us the tools we need to achieve them." It is a call for all adults to love, value and support our youth for the humans they are.  We stand at a crossroads as the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation states so poignantly in its report:

Researchers, policymakers, practitioners, parents, teachers, and funders stand at a crossroads in determining our nation’s approach to adolescence. The traditional view holds that the adolescent years comprise a difficult phase to be endured and survived. But a newer path considers adolescence to be an important time to nurture, guide, and support our youth to live the healthiest lives possible. [emphasis added]

In order to nurture, guide and support our youth to live their healthiest lives possible, we must hear, believe and trust our kids and students. They are sharing their hearts, standing up for their health and are asking us-the adults-for agency and self-determination. Our kids want tools to explore their interests and pursue their paths in life. Our kids are human beings who like all of us want to be heard, seen and loved for who they are and not who we want them to be.

Our kids and students are calling on the adults in their lives to be a lighthouse that provides grounding, tools, parameters and unconditional love. A lighthouse serves for general direction only and invites us to empower our kids with life-giving trust and space to experience and navigate the calm and stormy waters of the journey we call life themselves.

Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.

~Anne Lamott

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Photo credit: Howard Follas on unsplash

For more on this topic, I invite you to watch my 2021 IL PTA Convention & Leadership Conference invitational keynote address, Our Kids Were Not Alright Before the Pandemic: A Call for Renewal and Renovation.

 

 

Boredom is Essential

This opinion piece, A Packed Schedule Doesn’t Really ‘Enrich’ Your Child, by Dr. Shalini Shankar, professor of anthropology and Asian American studies at Northwestern University makes many excellent observations, including that “there are good reasons to give children time to be bored.” Ms. Shankar invites parents to pause “before return[ing] children to their hectic pre-pandemic schedules.”

Achievement pressure and packed academic and extracurricular schedules all constructed for the college admissions’ race have long adversely affected kids’ mental health.

Unrelenting schedules have stressed kids and parents alike and saddled college students with unfathomable amounts of student loan debt. And despite all the exhaustive efforts by students and parents, employers bemoan college graduates’ lack of listening, communication, critical thinking, problem-solving and interpersonal skills.

I invite parents to take their own and their kids’ time back. Unstructured time is essential for human thriving. Time to sleep; space to practice stillness; room to connect with our interests; and freedom to become curious about our connection to the community around us.

Boredom provides an opportunity to connect with our inner voice. It is a gift to explore what makes us come alive.

Boredom is essential.

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[ Interested in learning more about the impact of academic pressure and packed schedules on our kids? Watch my 2021 Illinois State PTA Convention mini keynote, Our Kids Were Not Alright Before the Pandemic. A Call for Renewal and Renovation ]

[Image credit: Cottonbro on Pexels]

When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.
— Jon Kabat-Zinn

Our Kids Were Not Alright before the Pandemic. Renewal & Renovation.

Our Kids Were Not Alright before the Pandemic.  Renewal & Renovation.

In her invitational 2021 IL PTA Convention mini keynote, A Call for Renewal & Renovation, On Balance Parenting's founder, Dagmar Kauffman, reflects on the state of our youth and education system before the pandemic. An encouragement to examine our inner and outer values and our culture's definition of success. A call to focus on human-centered, personalized, student-directed learning so all children and communities may thrive instead of returning to ‘normal’.

Heart Talks ~ A Message from Julie Lythcott-Haims

Heart Talks Meet-Up.png

Heart Talks: Parenting Courageously! came together for our Meet-Up last night for a conversation about our kids, parenting and pressures that affect us all. For this session, we read Julie Lythcott-Haims' book, How to Raise An Adult..

What a great conversation about the parents we aspire to be and what stands in our way. We talked about the need to Reclaim Your Self (Chapter 21) and the simple scripts in Chapter 22, Be The Parent You Want To Be, that help us with parenting differently from our community. Examples include scripts for situations, we all recognized. For example, when you don’t want another parent to drive your child because you want her to walk, bike or take public transportation; or when you no longer wish to serve as your child’s personal concierge; or when you have no interest in chatting about your daughter’s college or career interests or potential with your neighbor and friends.

What a rich conversation with everyone engaged and as a surprise for our Heart Talks community, Julie Lythcott-Haims sent this video routing us on to be the best parent we can be. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support, Julie!

Keynote: 2020 IL PTA Convention

Keynote Address

Unrelenting Achievement Pressures: 

 Facts, Fears and a Path toward Student Well-being

I am thrilled to share and look forward to delivering the keynote address at the 118th lllinois PTA Convention & Leadership Conference on April 25, 2020 at the NIU Campus in Naperville, Il.

Many thanks to the Illinois PTA for the invitation to speak and making student well-being a top priority!

The U.S. Educational System is not Sustainable

Just before the holidays, on a snowy, blustery cold day in Chicago, Peter Hostrawser of Disrupt Education invited me to come on his podcast to chat about On Balance Parenting, education, teaching and the state of our children’s well-being. Many thanks for the invitation and the rich conversation.

I invite you to watch the video of our conversation or listen to the podcast.

Heart Talks Series ~ Meet-Up

Heart Talks: Parenting Courageously! Series

Join us for our Heart Talks Series and Meet UP for a conversation about our kids, parenting and pressures that affect us all. All parents and caregivers are welcome and warmly invited.
For our conversation we will draw on concepts in Julie Lythcott-Haims' book, How to Raise An Adult.
Heart Talks Meet-Up will be facilitated by Dagmar Kauffman of On Balance Parenting.


Date: March 3, 2020

Time: 7:00-8:30 p.m.

Ticket: Free event. Registration REQUIRED.

Get your ticket here.

Location: 424 East Chicago Avenue, Naperville, Il (private residence)

Questions? Please contact dagmar@onbalanceparenting.org